Marriage and Divorce
"What therefore, God hath joined together, let no man put asunder."
[Mark 10:9]

Probably one of the most difficult issues Christians have to face centers around the issue of marriage and divorce. It is an issue that has taken many away from God's word and away from the faith. First, marriage in its original conception and reality takes the two married parties away from their mother and father (their homes) to be together as a family unto themselves. Jesus said, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh." [Mk. 10: 6-8]

Once together, the two who are now one flesh may recognize that they are not ideal for each other; they may not even be able to live with each other for any number of reasons. This is an issue that may relate back to how that marriage came into being. If the parties adhere to God's word from the start, they stand a better chance of staying together and having a successful marriage than if the two do not follow the biblical admonitions concerning who should marry and how they should be discovered. [I have discussed this in Part One.]

Even so, there are many Christian marriages that do not seem to be able to provide all a couple's needs and they end that marriage in divorce. The Bible permits, under certain circumstances, Christians to separate and still be in the will of God; it also permits in certain circumstances Christians to divorce. Jesus enunciated one cause for divorce-except it be for fornication; the Apostle Paul enunciated another, saying that if a brother or sister cannot live together the two may separate for a time, but they must remain unmarried or be reconciled to each other. [Mat. 5:32; 19:9; 1 Cor.7:10-11]

The problems usually arise when one or both of the parties who are now unmarried start to burn, but not for each other. Then God has specific rules concerning divorce and remarriage.

I. Divorce
The Word of God allows married Christians the following rules and only these for divorce and/or separation:
1. A Christian/saint may separate from another Christian without any offense having been committed, such as the one below, but they must either be reconciled of remain unmarried. Such a couple is not permitted to fulfill their passions outside their marriage with someone else; that is adultery. [Mat. 5:28, 32]

2. A Christian may divorce another Christian only if one of that married party has committed fornication. That is an offense against the marriage that may be grounds for terminating it and freeing the non-offending party to remarry. Jesus said what God has joined together, let no man put asunder, except it be for fornication. [Mat. 5:31-32; 19:9]

Although this rule is clearly written in God's word, consideration must be given to what Jesus also said concerning it: Moses allowed divorce because of the hardness of the people's hearts. The ideal condition acceptable to God is that there be no tearing of the one flesh into two again. So before one dashes off to divorce that mate, there are circumstances and conditions that must be examined. Has the offending party's act been provoked by the other party defrauding him/her of the carnal knowledge that is a part of marriage? [1 Cor. 7:5] If the infidelity is provoked, God's Word says that provocation should not have occurred, and the offending party's act should not have occurred either. The aggrieved party should suffer and tolerate the wrong. [1Cor. 6:7] If sin is provoked, one cannot seemingly put such an offender away and not still be bound to that individual. A Christian cannot deliberately provoke his/her partner to go outside the marriage and commit an offense against that marriage so that the provocateur can be free of that marriage. That is the perpetration of fraud, and God will not condone nor overlook such behavior.

While a true child of God wouldn't do such a thing; a calculating and scheming false brethren would. And it is up to the saints in light to occupy until Jesus return. [Lk. 19:13] That means that we are to be wise as a serpents while being harmless as doves and make wise judgments about such matters;[Mat. 10:16] we must prove all things, judge all things, and be good stewards of the manifold grace of Christ. [1 Cor. 2:14-15; 1 Thes. 5:21; 1 Pet. 4:10]

This is a matter for godly men to look into, not to just dismiss and say God will attend to it. He will, but we, as servants who occupy the position of Christ in the earth, must do the work of him who has sent us. We must judge righteous judgments because the reputation of the church is at stake, and the eternal salvation of souls aflame with the wrong fire is also at stake! It is the deceptive emotions of men who say let this matter along until Christ returns. And while they admonish us to let it be for the judgment of Christ, the church is becoming odorous with the stench of sin blatantly present in it.

The question is often asked about the offending party: is he/she free to remarry when the freed party has remarried in the Lord and there is no chance for them to reconcile? The offender went outside the boundaries of the marriage union and by so doing, he/she caused that union (a union created by God and a union symbolic of the relationship Christ will have and does now have in part with the church) to be terminated. That is a grievous offense before God. Therefore, that person cannot claim to be in God or eligible to bind him/herself to another of God's children. That offender to the marriage union is seemingly, from my reading of God's word, bound and must remain unmarried if he/she desires to come back into the household of faith.

Chapter Seven of Romans seems to be the conceptual framework for the above conclusion. The offending party has so offended that he/she has freed the other party to marry another. But his/her offense cannot free him/her--that would be unfair and a fraud; sin does not free, it binds the sinner. Paul argues in this Chapter that a woman (and by extension of reasoning and fairness, this would also apply to the man) is bound to her husband as long as he lives. This may be the case even though he is free and has remarried. By reasoning, the first marriage would have been a union still, but for the offender's offense that tore their union apart. That person cannot now claim a freedom based on his sinful actions. That offender is only free to remarry if his once mate dies. If this were not the case, any scheming person could employ this tactic to void a marriage he/she doesn't want any longer and be free in God to marry after the offended party has remarried.

Certainly the offending party can repent and return unto the Lord, but he/she can only be saved if he/she remains un-married as long as the non-offending party lives. But notice the predicament the offender gets himself into: he/she frees the non-offending party to remarry, and if that party does remarry, the offending party is bound to never remarry as long as the remarried party lives. Were the non-offending party to remain unmarried, they may reconcile, but the offender cannot marry another person in the Lord, only the person he/she has offended.

A. Forgiveness: The Missing Ingredient
It should be stated also that the Word of God does not demand that the offender of the union be put away. It merely allows an exception to the "not putting away" clause. Jesus said, "...Let not a man put away his wife, except it be..."

But why not forgive the offender? That is the very nature of the Christ-like/Christian person. Take the wrong! Paul urges. [1Cor.6:7] One who puts away a marriage partner must examine him/herself to see how pure are his/her motives, how Christ-like are his/her actions, and how rational and spiritual are his/her values. A life must be examined by God's word, and that is not best done alone. We are helpers one to another. And putting a mate away, regardless of the grievous nature of the offense is not a quick and dirty action. The issue of forgiveness of another as Christ has forgiven us must be considered long.

Sometimes, there may be circumstances that outweigh an offense: children who need a stable home with both parents engaged in their well being. Those blessings of God require parents to go beyond their momentary needs, hurts, pains, and themselves if their lives are to be saved and not harmed; houses and land that the two have worked for and vowed to maintain and pay for together; long-range commitments that are important and go beyond the two of a marriage but to the well being of others. These things may require the two in the marriage to be together and work on certain issues and commitments made together. Also, there are positions that impact on others that require couples to be models of forgiveness and strength.

Maybe there are other ways to bring a correction to a situation of infidelity. Divorce should be a last remedy! One can be brought before the church; one can go to extra-church remedies, like counseling, etc. Divorce is the last remedy when the situation is beyond forgiveness and the extra-church and church remedies. Remember, all things are lawful, but not all things are expedient; all things are lawful, but not all things edify. [1Cor. 10:23] Exercising the exception in God's word may be the worst option to the situation.

Be clear about this matter: I make no defense of sin; I merely balance the approach because there are matters of eternal weight involved. I caution that one not rush to a decision that is wrong; divorce may not be the approach God would have us take, even though it is allowed. The perfect will of God rests in forgiveness, even as He has forgiven us.

What about the eternal well being of that offending partner? Forgiveness may save his/her soul. Would it not be best to forgive? Is a situation so utterly unlivable that you cannot build a now frayed relationship all over again? Do tribulations not work patience, and patience experience, and experience hope, and hope, does it not make one not ashamed? What if God is testing you, to see how godly you are in response to this offense? You have not offended, but how will you take this offense in God? Never forget Job-he had done nothing and God put upon him a heavy load God knew Job could bear. What about You? It is certain that the judge of all the earth will do right. [Gen. 18]

Forgiveness is a central theme in the teachings of Christ. How many times must one forgive an offense, Peter asked, seven times? Jesus replied 70 times seven! [Mat. 18:23] Truly God will not overlook the offense, yet we must attempt to look at the whole picture before us, and try not be utterly fired up with emotions and hurts that we are blinded to the fact that the whore-mongers and adulterers God will judge. [Heb.13:4]

It was Martin Luther King, Jr., who said, "The arch of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." This life is not the range of humanity when it comes to God's justice. Were it so, there would be no godly justice at all. But God sits high and looks low, and man's death cannot, nor will it, steal the justice of God. He will reach into the grave and bring wicked men to a godly justice, which many have tried to escape through death, but to no avail. David said that death is mere a valley and a shadow that he will walk through. And God sees through that valley and shadow, and Christ has taken the keys of hell and death. So no one can escape the justice of God![Rev. 1:18; Ps. 23] Why not forgive and take the wrong so that God can do your justice? This is the best way to handle a fornication offense to the marriage.

So at all offenses against them, saints are obligated to forgive. And if a saint cannot forgive, he/she does have the option of using the exception that Jesus stated, but in the beginning, it was not so. Which action do you feel Jesus would prefer that a saint take?

B. Unsaved and saved Marriage
There is the situation where there is an existing marriage and one party comes to Christ in salvation and the other remains outside of Christ. Paul speaks to the marriage plight of this couple and the New Testament rules governing them as they relate to separation, divorce, and remarriage.

Paul writes to the Church at Corinth, saying that if a brother is married to a woman who is unsaved and she desires to stay with him, that brother should not put her away. [This does not refer to a brother who is saved and goes out and marries an unsaved wife. I have addressed that elsewhere. Therefore, this passage in First Corinthians 7 is referring to a couple married before they are saved and one gets saved and the other does not.] He should allow her to stay, peradventure she will come to Christ/get saved. In the 15th verse of this chapter, Paul writes that if that unsaved party decides to leave let her go and that saved party is not in bondage under this circumstance. This means that the saved party is free to marry in the Lord. This is the final way a saved person can be divorced and free to marry in Christ.

It should be remembered that unsaved people do many things contrary to the will of God and our wills. And since God suffers long with them and us, so we must suffer long with them as well. Because a partner is unsaved that does not mean that a saved partner is to treat that person with any less respect than a saved person is treated with. That person, though he/she is presently unsaved, is connected to you in marriage and that has to be respected. Paul writes that no man hates his own flesh, but nourishes it. [Eph. 5:29]

It should also be remembered that the unsaved may do anything, like to commit adultery, fornicate, lie, steal, and many things that we all once did but do no more, being now in Christ. It would be ungodly to not suffer long in forgiveness with the behavior of that person. Who knows if such a one will be called to repentance? Your long suffering may help bring such a one to Christ, as you are a pattern of good works. Paul states that the believing sanctifies the unbelieving. [1Cor. 7:14] The pattern of your behavior, a pattern of good works, may become a beacon of light for the unbelieving that leads him/her to salvation.

II. Looking at the Exception Clause
There are a number of Bible students who claim that a saint cannot divorce under any circumstances, and that is often taken from Mark 10 and Luke 16, wherein Jesus does not give the exception offered in Matthew 5 and 19. In Mark, Jesus lingers on the fact that Moses allowed a bill of divorcement because of the wickedness and mean-spirited nature of the people. He calls it the hardness of the heart. It is true that a saint is not supposed to have a hard heart; Jesus has taken the hard hearts from us and given us hearts of flesh. Furthermore, we have the mind of Christ and the spirit of forgiveness. It is true that Paul admonishes us to endure the wrong instead of going to law.

But in spite of these truths, Jesus in discussing divorce said that it should not be done unless certain circumstances are involved. Those certain circumstances are the exception allowed in Matthew 5 and 19: fornication. Mark 10 and Luke 16 are really no different from Matthew 5 and 19 on the subject. The Matthew scriptures are more expansive than the Mark and Luke scriptures on this particular and some other subjects, but not a contradiction at all. In order to understand the two passages-those with the exception and those without the exception-we must see and understand that Peter wrote that no scripture is with any private interpretation. [2 Pet. 1:20] All scriptures must fit into a whole cannon to develop the precise Word of God, and only that precise, rightly divided Word of God is what God is saying.

God will, reading these two sets of scriptures, allow a saint to divorce and remarry under the certain circumstances I have addressed above. But the Mark and Luke passages imply that divorce is not in the perfect will of God; it is an allowance God suffers his people to exercise. The perfect will of God is that we forgive the wrong doer and allow God the fight our battles. We are to be a meek and forgiving people. Even so, when a saint has exercised the exception allowed in the Word, such a one cannot be condemned.

III. Some things that should not happen
I have stated the ways God suffers a saint to divorce and remarry. They are only two, outside of death: 1.) If a saint is married to an unsaved person and that unsaved person leaves or is not pleased to dwell with the saved person; the person may leave and that saved party is free to marry in the church. 2.) If one party commits fornication in the marriage and the other saved person does not forgive him/her, then the saved party is free to marry in the church. Finally, saints may separate from each other, but they must remain unmarried or be reconciled.

There are certain martial misbehaviors we see often in the church and among the ministry that place many church members outside of the perfect and permissive will of God. 1.) Saved individuals are divorcing saved partners with no scriptural backing and marrying other saved people. But without the scriptural exception God allows, Jesus said that they are committing adultery. 2.) Some of these relationships are so confused that they have children through both marriages, and they are still claiming to be saved. But Jesus said that they are committing adultery. 3.) And there are some with multiple wives and husbands in and around the church; how odorous are such saints in and to the House of the Living God.

These misbehaviors do not speak well of the body of Christ, instead they are misbehaviors that announce to God and a world looking on that we are not serious believers in Christ, and that the Word of God does not govern all aspects of our lives, our emotions, or our very way of approaching the world. Jesus prophesied of the end time, and stated that they (the world and apostate Christians) would be marrying and giving in marriage.[Matt. 24:38]

That is where we are today, and it is hard to stop the craze that has taken hold of God's people to marry outside the Word and will of God. They have released themselves from the Word of God and cast their impotent fate to the wind, loving the temporal pleasures of this world more than obedience to God's Word. But this life is a breath that is here and gone in a second. Then we meet our maker and answer for the deeds done in our bodies. []

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